[ But even with this monstrous strength, he still loses the people he loves most. Farlan and Isabel. Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther.
Hange, one day.
...Erwin.
Levi's saved many others, but apparently most will still perish. What good is it to be Humanity's Strongest if he can't really keep anyone but himself alive? If his choices are always death now or death later?
If what the others say is true (and why wouldn't it be?) Eren will still be a large cause for even more terrible loss. There is a future waiting that Levi can't envision, a vast emptiness at the edge of that last great, terrible act. A smattering of surviving humanity, a place that had been all he knew now entirely lost to him. And what next?
It would be easy to hate him for it. Easy enough to succumb to his own wounded heart. Except that he simply can't; for all that Eren is and all that he does, the one trembling in his arms didn't want for their squad to die. He isn't responsible for what will happen in Shiganshina. Beyond that, things feel inscrutable. But beyond that...blame seems pointless, in the end.
Levi can try to protect Eren. He's been trying, hoping that if things are different enough in this place, maybe Eren wont succumb to whatever is in him that hungers for such indifferent annihilation. Maybe. Maybe...
How can he protect Eren from himself? For months he's felt as such a fucking loss, unsure what to do, how to reach him, how to convince him that it doesn't have to be inevitable. Things didn't have to be perfect - pain is a fact of life, but it didn't have to be this. But he doesn't know what to say, what to fucking do.
All of this strength, and yet the threat is intangible.
All he can do is try to hold on. Even if it burns him. Because if he lets a little pain get in the way, then what's the point? If he lets Eren go because it's too much, then what's left?
So he does. Through all of Eren's screams and wails, as though he is pulling agony from the very earth. Levi feels pieces of his own grief pulled in, spun together and spooled out in gut-wrenching cries. He holds on, embrace tight, feet grounded to the earth as he continues that soft motion. His shirt is getting drenched with tears and snot, but it doesn't fucking matter. Never once does he try to hush or encourage Eren to stop. Better for as much of it to come out, like drawing poison from a wound.
But he knows better than most that grief is more like a stain on the soul that will never truly fade. It can be rinsed with tears, for a time, but eventually it will bleed fresh anew. ]
've got you...[ A soft mumble, check pressed to hair. ]
EATS THIS UP
[ But even with this monstrous strength, he still loses the people he loves most. Farlan and Isabel. Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther.
Hange, one day.
...Erwin.
Levi's saved many others, but apparently most will still perish. What good is it to be Humanity's Strongest if he can't really keep anyone but himself alive? If his choices are always death now or death later?
If what the others say is true (and why wouldn't it be?) Eren will still be a large cause for even more terrible loss. There is a future waiting that Levi can't envision, a vast emptiness at the edge of that last great, terrible act. A smattering of surviving humanity, a place that had been all he knew now entirely lost to him. And what next?
It would be easy to hate him for it. Easy enough to succumb to his own wounded heart. Except that he simply can't; for all that Eren is and all that he does, the one trembling in his arms didn't want for their squad to die. He isn't responsible for what will happen in Shiganshina. Beyond that, things feel inscrutable. But beyond that...blame seems pointless, in the end.
Levi can try to protect Eren. He's been trying, hoping that if things are different enough in this place, maybe Eren wont succumb to whatever is in him that hungers for such indifferent annihilation. Maybe. Maybe...
How can he protect Eren from himself? For months he's felt as such a fucking loss, unsure what to do, how to reach him, how to convince him that it doesn't have to be inevitable. Things didn't have to be perfect - pain is a fact of life, but it didn't have to be this. But he doesn't know what to say, what to fucking do.
All of this strength, and yet the threat is intangible.
All he can do is try to hold on. Even if it burns him. Because if he lets a little pain get in the way, then what's the point? If he lets Eren go because it's too much, then what's left?
So he does. Through all of Eren's screams and wails, as though he is pulling agony from the very earth. Levi feels pieces of his own grief pulled in, spun together and spooled out in gut-wrenching cries. He holds on, embrace tight, feet grounded to the earth as he continues that soft motion. His shirt is getting drenched with tears and snot, but it doesn't fucking matter. Never once does he try to hush or encourage Eren to stop. Better for as much of it to come out, like drawing poison from a wound.
But he knows better than most that grief is more like a stain on the soul that will never truly fade. It can be rinsed with tears, for a time, but eventually it will bleed fresh anew. ]
've got you...[ A soft mumble, check pressed to hair. ]