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[It's impossible. Levi murmurs a confirmation of his sorrow, then wipes a tear away from Eren's cheek, and it's impossible. There is an image of Levi that haunts Eren from the back of his mind, and it feels like it's every aching, waking moment; a stitched together face, a hand that has trouble gripping, a broken body.
[Hange has returned to their death. Eren killed them. Eren. Killed them.
[And Levi dries his tears. Impossible. Impossible.]
Captain.
[It's a pained sound. Eren's head drops into a hang, fists squeezing tighter around the fabric of his Captain's shirt.]
I'm sorry...Hange...I'm sorry...
[Hange has returned to their death. Eren killed them. Eren. Killed them.
[And Levi dries his tears. Impossible. Impossible.]
Captain.
[It's a pained sound. Eren's head drops into a hang, fists squeezing tighter around the fabric of his Captain's shirt.]
I'm sorry...Hange...I'm sorry...
[ Of all the things Eren could have said then, out of all the things he could have tried to apologize for, has apologized for, probably nothing else could have been so unexpected and yet an arrow straight to the deepest, most raw part of his heart.
His expression shifts, wide-eyed and blatantly caught-off guard, breath seizing in his chest as he just stares at Eren.
Hange.
What more can it do to me, Levi? I'm already dead.
They're dead, and one day he'll have to let them go to their death, just as he'll have to let go of Erwin. To step aside and let them both go, for reasons he does and doesn't understand. All of the things he doesn't know, everything that leads up to those moments; what went wrong, what truths he will have to accept - a hopeless situation, a mangled body.
They were here, and despite the years that separated them, he had still been able to love them in a way they could never have done before. Or ever. Is this the only place such a thing is possible? What happens after?
Levi can't even fall back on his usual philosophy in absolution of guilt in the way that he could when Petra and the others perished. Eren's decision might have led them to that route, but that didn't make him responsible for their deaths. From what he knows, he can't say that about Hange, fighting to bide them time to escape from a near world-ending catastrophe that Eren not only caused, but orchestrated.
A sharp pain in his chest forces him to take a breath, slow and heavy. Every subsequent one is harder now, his hands rigidly curled in place. It's easier to guide someone else through their grief, to pack his own away and save to look at later. His own grieving is constant, a piece of him that only seems to grow with him as the distance from those he loses also grows with time. A shredded soul, held together by threads.
His eyes drift away from Eren then, before closing against a wave that looms higher than he'd realized. No words come to him, because he can't offer any words of comfort; there is no absolution here, even if hate and blame feel useless as they so often do. Eren already knows his fate, and surely that is torture enough.
It clearly is. For both of them.
There's a familiar, cold knot of ice in his stomach. Rage. Anger that spikes through his veins. But unleashing it at Eren will do no good, doesn't make fucking sense in this moment. Instead it just paralyzes him, caught once again in that loop of uncertainty, barbed by all of the pain that Eren has caused him, will cause.
He packs sorrow and hurt around it, containing all three. It's just enough to stave off the stinging in his eyes, to relieve a little of the pressure in his chest, even though his breathing is still faster, his pulse thick with adrenaline. It keeps his heart from ripping in two.
But words won't come. His forgiveness is too thin for that, yet.
Instead, Levi just brings Eren in closer again, hands hard enough to hurt, and only then lets his expression crumple into abject grief, where it can't be seen. ]
His expression shifts, wide-eyed and blatantly caught-off guard, breath seizing in his chest as he just stares at Eren.
Hange.
What more can it do to me, Levi? I'm already dead.
They're dead, and one day he'll have to let them go to their death, just as he'll have to let go of Erwin. To step aside and let them both go, for reasons he does and doesn't understand. All of the things he doesn't know, everything that leads up to those moments; what went wrong, what truths he will have to accept - a hopeless situation, a mangled body.
They were here, and despite the years that separated them, he had still been able to love them in a way they could never have done before. Or ever. Is this the only place such a thing is possible? What happens after?
Levi can't even fall back on his usual philosophy in absolution of guilt in the way that he could when Petra and the others perished. Eren's decision might have led them to that route, but that didn't make him responsible for their deaths. From what he knows, he can't say that about Hange, fighting to bide them time to escape from a near world-ending catastrophe that Eren not only caused, but orchestrated.
A sharp pain in his chest forces him to take a breath, slow and heavy. Every subsequent one is harder now, his hands rigidly curled in place. It's easier to guide someone else through their grief, to pack his own away and save to look at later. His own grieving is constant, a piece of him that only seems to grow with him as the distance from those he loses also grows with time. A shredded soul, held together by threads.
His eyes drift away from Eren then, before closing against a wave that looms higher than he'd realized. No words come to him, because he can't offer any words of comfort; there is no absolution here, even if hate and blame feel useless as they so often do. Eren already knows his fate, and surely that is torture enough.
It clearly is. For both of them.
There's a familiar, cold knot of ice in his stomach. Rage. Anger that spikes through his veins. But unleashing it at Eren will do no good, doesn't make fucking sense in this moment. Instead it just paralyzes him, caught once again in that loop of uncertainty, barbed by all of the pain that Eren has caused him, will cause.
He packs sorrow and hurt around it, containing all three. It's just enough to stave off the stinging in his eyes, to relieve a little of the pressure in his chest, even though his breathing is still faster, his pulse thick with adrenaline. It keeps his heart from ripping in two.
But words won't come. His forgiveness is too thin for that, yet.
Instead, Levi just brings Eren in closer again, hands hard enough to hurt, and only then lets his expression crumple into abject grief, where it can't be seen. ]
[Eren receives no forgiveness, and it's a relief; he doesn't want it, and he wouldn't believe Levi if that's what he tried to give.
[Quick breathing - that's all; for Levi, it speaks volumes. Eren hears it, head still hung. Levi is quiet. Eren thinks he might walk away, and his grip tightens on the man's shirt.
[He can't let him go...
[Eren is brought in, head hitting Levi's chest; there's a muffled bark of grief. He wraps his arms around Levi, shameless, young, desperate. He clutches the back of the man's head, buzzed short - hands hard enough to hurt.]
You have to know...[The words are squeezed out, high-pitched and breaking.] Captain...you have to know...
Despite everything...[He's never dared to even think of saying it out loud.
[Levi is his hero, but that's not all. Back home, Eren never got a chance to know Levi, the famed, feared champion of humanity, like he has in this reality. Levi got to know Eren; he's gotten to know this one, too.
[He's been there. He's cared. He's protected. He's loved.
[Eren doesn't want forgiveness. If Levi truly does come to hate him, it will be deserved; but it doesn't make this any less true:]
I love you. I love you all. Please...believe me...
[Quick breathing - that's all; for Levi, it speaks volumes. Eren hears it, head still hung. Levi is quiet. Eren thinks he might walk away, and his grip tightens on the man's shirt.
[He can't let him go...
[Eren is brought in, head hitting Levi's chest; there's a muffled bark of grief. He wraps his arms around Levi, shameless, young, desperate. He clutches the back of the man's head, buzzed short - hands hard enough to hurt.]
You have to know...[The words are squeezed out, high-pitched and breaking.] Captain...you have to know...
Despite everything...[He's never dared to even think of saying it out loud.
[Levi is his hero, but that's not all. Back home, Eren never got a chance to know Levi, the famed, feared champion of humanity, like he has in this reality. Levi got to know Eren; he's gotten to know this one, too.
[He's been there. He's cared. He's protected. He's loved.
[Eren doesn't want forgiveness. If Levi truly does come to hate him, it will be deserved; but it doesn't make this any less true:]
I love you. I love you all. Please...believe me...
In the end, it doesn't matter how accurate it is - that he's doing enough to make Erwin feel good and not completely fucking it up is win enough, especially for his first time tasting another man's cock. It's maybe not as bad as he imagines, but perhaps that has more to do with wanting to do more for his endlessly patient husband. Levi knows the signs of his impending orgasm from a different angle, usually pressed close, listening intently to how his heart beats harder, his breaths come a little faster, the way he feels in his hand. That's about as far as they'd gotten sexually, until now. He's gotten more practiced at it by now, a little bolder, sometimes slipping his hand beneath Erwin's waistband as he recites in that low, velvet voice of his, enjoying the sensation of him stiffening slowly beneath his palm.
It seems they'll now have more activities to add to that small repertoire.
It is warning enough so that he doesn't end up with a mouthful of cum, but a spurt of it does land on his cheek, and more on his throat before Levi manages to direct Erwin's cock in a more benign direction, working him through the rest of it with his hand. It should outright disgust him, but instead there's a funny feeling that shudders through his nerves, making his shoulders twitch and his breath stutter.
Levi looks up from his place still on the shower floor, black hair wet and slicked to his skin, lips pink and plump from his work, eyes dark, staring. The splatter feels thick and sticky on his skin. The line of Erwin's body looming above, water tracing muscles and shifting with heavy breaths. Familiar scars crisscross his body, interrupting smooth planes, but Levi can't recall a time when he thought him anything but fucking gorgeous.
He licks his lips, the taste of Erwin still there. His brain stumbles a little, as he opens his mouth to make some comment about how he doesn't have to guess if Erwin liked what he got, but what comes out instead is:
"You're fucking beautiful."
It seems they'll now have more activities to add to that small repertoire.
It is warning enough so that he doesn't end up with a mouthful of cum, but a spurt of it does land on his cheek, and more on his throat before Levi manages to direct Erwin's cock in a more benign direction, working him through the rest of it with his hand. It should outright disgust him, but instead there's a funny feeling that shudders through his nerves, making his shoulders twitch and his breath stutter.
Levi looks up from his place still on the shower floor, black hair wet and slicked to his skin, lips pink and plump from his work, eyes dark, staring. The splatter feels thick and sticky on his skin. The line of Erwin's body looming above, water tracing muscles and shifting with heavy breaths. Familiar scars crisscross his body, interrupting smooth planes, but Levi can't recall a time when he thought him anything but fucking gorgeous.
He licks his lips, the taste of Erwin still there. His brain stumbles a little, as he opens his mouth to make some comment about how he doesn't have to guess if Erwin liked what he got, but what comes out instead is:
"You're fucking beautiful."
[Since the night they kissed, Finnick has been going only a tiny bit crazy thinking of Levi, agonizing over whether to text him or not, over how to act cool when he sees him at work, etc. He was good at taking things slow before, but now it's an active effort not to push forward, not to come on too strong.
But today, he has a good excuse! Or so he tells himself.]
Good tea today very good tea thank u sir. The orange blossom really pops offfffff especially when you brew it 👌👌👌💯💯 I can really taste all the... Notes or whatever
But today, he has a good excuse! Or so he tells himself.]
Good tea today very good tea thank u sir. The orange blossom really pops offfffff especially when you brew it 👌👌👌💯💯 I can really taste all the... Notes or whatever
[ Luckily Finnick can't see the way Levi squints and frowns at all of the...extras in the message. He reads it five times at least, still not entirely sure he's getting everything he's meant to, but: ]
Glad you liked it.
Did your f get stuck or what
Can probably get a new device if it's fucking up
[ Sorry sir Levi does not understand casual texting speech patterns, he's an old grumpy man from a place with no tech.
another message follows a moment or two later ]
Hope you enjoyed your day
Glad you liked it.
Did your f get stuck or what
Can probably get a new device if it's fucking up
[ Sorry sir Levi does not understand casual texting speech patterns, he's an old grumpy man from a place with no tech.
another message follows a moment or two later ]
Hope you enjoyed your day
[And luckily Levi can't see Finnick, laying on his stomach in his bed, quite literally kicking his feet and smiling at his phone. Dear lord.]
No I added them on purpose for emphasis, so you imagine me saying "off" for an annoyingly long time lol
I had a good day, I was very lazy :) how was urs? was the shop busy??
Oh and my roommate liked the tea too and he seems picky about food, he made us remake the pancake batter 4 times this morning until it was right
No I added them on purpose for emphasis, so you imagine me saying "off" for an annoyingly long time lol
I had a good day, I was very lazy :) how was urs? was the shop busy??
Oh and my roommate liked the tea too and he seems picky about food, he made us remake the pancake batter 4 times this morning until it was right
[ u got it bad, sir ]
oh
glad you got some rest. shop went fine. steady.
[ there's definitely a sense that Levi tries to be as succinct as possible when writing out text messages. It takes him a long time. ]
annoying to waste that much food. make him do it next time.
glad he liked it.
wouldn't make tea four times for him though.
oh
glad you got some rest. shop went fine. steady.
[ there's definitely a sense that Levi tries to be as succinct as possible when writing out text messages. It takes him a long time. ]
annoying to waste that much food. make him do it next time.
glad he liked it.
wouldn't make tea four times for him though.
Oh, yeah, I feel ya, no--
[Worries. Levi's second statement ties his tongue before he can finish.]
Oh.
[He laughs, quiet and sheepish. Lord, what is it with Levi that makes him feel like a schoolgirl?
Speak, Finnick, speak.]
It's-- it's good to hear yours too. What are you up to?
[Worries. Levi's second statement ties his tongue before he can finish.]
Oh.
[He laughs, quiet and sheepish. Lord, what is it with Levi that makes him feel like a schoolgirl?
Speak, Finnick, speak.]
It's-- it's good to hear yours too. What are you up to?
[ If Eren had spoken the word reality then, it's possible something irrevocable might have happened. ]
[ Instead, Eren finds the one last thing that capable of fraying that last little thread; the fine, thin line holding two halves together. Eren grasps onto him tightly and it feels as much of a threat as it does the desperate, pleading hands of a small child, lost. He could easily break free, and it would be a lie to deny the part of him that wants to - cold, clear rage, revenge for all his pain that's yet to come.
But it's drowned in despair. Disbelief and relief and grief at once. What is he supposed to do with this? With Eren's love, or his own? More than anyone else, Eren is a double edged sword. There have been so many people in his life by now who've depended on him, on his strength and his willingness to do what's necessary, on his experience and guidance. Farlan and Isabel; Erwin and Hange; subordinates in his care. Perhaps no small number of Survey Corps soldiers felt a spike of hope when they saw him fighting alongside them.
In the end, there's never anything he can do. Bad choices, bad circumstances. Things out of his control. No matter how hard he tries, and that's even with things Levi can fight, against Titans or humans or whatever else he can cut with a blade or tear apart with his bare hands.
But this?
I love you...please believe me.
A sharp, hissing inhale is the last breath before his throat closes, choking tight. Levi feels as though he mourns Eren while holding him, the realization that perhaps they couldn't save Eren because he simply isn't meant to be saved slowly comping upon him like frost covering over glass. Yet all his anger and despair and hope and love are spun and plied together, binding them now in a different way.
He feels the tears, hot and wet, trickle over the bridge of his nose to dampen Eren's hair. He holds Eren tightly, anger and sorrow broken loose at once, but there are no sobs. No desperate gasps for air, just tears and gritted teeth and lungs that burn with every breath.
What happens, with both strength and love fail?
Love anyway. ]
...
[ Levi manages strength, and words come in a harsh breath: ]
I believe you.
[ Instead, Eren finds the one last thing that capable of fraying that last little thread; the fine, thin line holding two halves together. Eren grasps onto him tightly and it feels as much of a threat as it does the desperate, pleading hands of a small child, lost. He could easily break free, and it would be a lie to deny the part of him that wants to - cold, clear rage, revenge for all his pain that's yet to come.
But it's drowned in despair. Disbelief and relief and grief at once. What is he supposed to do with this? With Eren's love, or his own? More than anyone else, Eren is a double edged sword. There have been so many people in his life by now who've depended on him, on his strength and his willingness to do what's necessary, on his experience and guidance. Farlan and Isabel; Erwin and Hange; subordinates in his care. Perhaps no small number of Survey Corps soldiers felt a spike of hope when they saw him fighting alongside them.
In the end, there's never anything he can do. Bad choices, bad circumstances. Things out of his control. No matter how hard he tries, and that's even with things Levi can fight, against Titans or humans or whatever else he can cut with a blade or tear apart with his bare hands.
But this?
I love you...please believe me.
A sharp, hissing inhale is the last breath before his throat closes, choking tight. Levi feels as though he mourns Eren while holding him, the realization that perhaps they couldn't save Eren because he simply isn't meant to be saved slowly comping upon him like frost covering over glass. Yet all his anger and despair and hope and love are spun and plied together, binding them now in a different way.
He feels the tears, hot and wet, trickle over the bridge of his nose to dampen Eren's hair. He holds Eren tightly, anger and sorrow broken loose at once, but there are no sobs. No desperate gasps for air, just tears and gritted teeth and lungs that burn with every breath.
What happens, with both strength and love fail?
Love anyway. ]
...
[ Levi manages strength, and words come in a harsh breath: ]
I believe you.
[ Finnick has a nice laugh; it makes pleasant little tingles go up the back of his neck. ]
Probably made out of fish. Smells bad enough.
[ Really, Levi could probably just give them bits of actual fish, but that would smell even worse. ]
It is weird, but then, they're just creepy little weirdos anyway. Next time you come by you can meet them.
Probably made out of fish. Smells bad enough.
[ Really, Levi could probably just give them bits of actual fish, but that would smell even worse. ]
It is weird, but then, they're just creepy little weirdos anyway. Next time you come by you can meet them.
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