[ It's hard to muster the words about what happened between what her captain remembers and what Mikasa knows; it's going to hurt him to hear all the things that take place, the changes that happen - in their numbers, their respect, their choices, and, in the end, the foundation of peace. Trying to connect all the dots so that it makes sense isn't easy, either, since some of it is still beyond even Mikasa's mind.
Trying to explain Eren's convictions, the connection of the Titans, what they had chosen to do together and what Levi had done in the end, to fulfil his final mission... It's not as easy as just telling a story. Sometimes she has to pause to just breathe, fiddling with the end of her scarf with absent, idle fingers. It feels like she's narrating someone else's life, as if she was completely distant from it, because feeling it all again is too painful.
Eventually, she grips the teacup if only to give herself an anchor in the present here, with Levi in front of her, and then she can finally come to the end of the story. ]
I killed him. No one else was going to be able to do it.
[ And, she thinks, Eren might not have let anyone else try. It was always going to have to be her, and maybe he saw it coming. Maybe he knew, in the end, when their eyes connected for that last time. ]
That was a few days ago. After that, I woke up here.
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Trying to explain Eren's convictions, the connection of the Titans, what they had chosen to do together and what Levi had done in the end, to fulfil his final mission... It's not as easy as just telling a story. Sometimes she has to pause to just breathe, fiddling with the end of her scarf with absent, idle fingers. It feels like she's narrating someone else's life, as if she was completely distant from it, because feeling it all again is too painful.
Eventually, she grips the teacup if only to give herself an anchor in the present here, with Levi in front of her, and then she can finally come to the end of the story. ]
I killed him. No one else was going to be able to do it.
[ And, she thinks, Eren might not have let anyone else try. It was always going to have to be her, and maybe he saw it coming. Maybe he knew, in the end, when their eyes connected for that last time. ]
That was a few days ago. After that, I woke up here.