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[ dolph nods slowly. levi would understand. he's sure at some point, he too felt the enormity of it. the way it weighs down while feeling like you're floating. like you're tumbling down the hill, to — to something magical. ]
It feels so big. And I don't — know what to do next.
It feels so big. And I don't — know what to do next.
[ it'd been that first sojourn into the Labyrinth, where they'd both experienced the reality of their Wish. A little cottage together; their horses in the pasture; a ring, simple but clearly worn with many years appearing on his finger. He'd never dared to ever think that far. They hadn't even had the chance to admit any real hint of their feelings before then. The world had spun then; elation and disbelief and the deepest ache that it would probably never come true. It hadn't been long after that it was confirmed Erwin wouldn't return from that expedition.
So at least they had this. It's all they would have.
Levi regards Dolph solemnly, but gentle. He gestures to the cup in front of him. ]
Drink some tea, first.
So at least they had this. It's all they would have.
Levi regards Dolph solemnly, but gentle. He gestures to the cup in front of him. ]
Drink some tea, first.
Jean's right - he does like it. It's nice to have a few people around who do understand him more implicitly. Jean has always had strong intuition, and Levi is glad that had eventually grown to encompass himself. Expressing himself is something that doesn't always come easily; he's never been effusive with praise, but had learned how to give a sincere word of encouragement when it was well earned.
It feels all the more important to say such things, now.
A little wash of relief passes through him to hear that at least Jean had known. His expression remains solemn, but there's the warmth of a smile in his eyes.
"Good," he murmurs quietly, and withdraws his hand slowly back in as Jean looks around his home. When their eyes meet again, it's almost too hard to hold it, seeing such a feeling turned back toward himself. Despite it all, Levi feels the faintest prickle of heat creeping a bit up his neck and across his face.
But his brow furrows a little. "Didn't see much point in trying to rush back once we found out it wouldn't make any difference. Not like we could force it.
So I just...wanted you brats to have the chance to relax, too."
It feels all the more important to say such things, now.
A little wash of relief passes through him to hear that at least Jean had known. His expression remains solemn, but there's the warmth of a smile in his eyes.
"Good," he murmurs quietly, and withdraws his hand slowly back in as Jean looks around his home. When their eyes meet again, it's almost too hard to hold it, seeing such a feeling turned back toward himself. Despite it all, Levi feels the faintest prickle of heat creeping a bit up his neck and across his face.
But his brow furrows a little. "Didn't see much point in trying to rush back once we found out it wouldn't make any difference. Not like we could force it.
So I just...wanted you brats to have the chance to relax, too."
[ his fingers cradle the cup for a long moment, letting the heat seep in before he picks it up and takes a sip. lets it settle. he's in no rush. time stretches out before him.
then he sets it down. the sound rings in his ear. ]
I'm excited. I want this.
And I'm still so scared. It's pathetic.
then he sets it down. the sound rings in his ear. ]
I'm excited. I want this.
And I'm still so scared. It's pathetic.
[ Likewise, Levi doesn't rush him. What they have the most of, to an extent, is time. Maybe it's simply a waiting game until someone inevitably (or so it seems) disappears, so it's just as important to have moments like these; unhurried, focused. He drinks his tea, companionable with the silence, and waits. ]
Scared of what?
[ He can guess, but maybe it'll help Dolph to talk it out. ]
Scared of what?
[ He can guess, but maybe it'll help Dolph to talk it out. ]
[ the silence is grounding. it gives him the time he needs. even if it feels that once he says what he has to say, he's letting the genie out of the bottle. no takebacks.
but isn't that how he's lived his life anyway? ]
I got out of Eden because I hated hurting people. I couldn't take it. But I — I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so lost. Just living on the street. Hiding. Too afraid to do anything.
And . . . it was Alex. Who helped me. He got me into bars, who showed me the world. Let me experience so much. And . . . he gave me the dream of our beach. Somewhere we could be safe and happy.
I could see it. I could imagine it. Because we built it together.
[ another brief pause. ]
I'm ready to build something new with Jean. I'm ready to do that, but I'm afraid that when the time comes — nothing will come to me. It has to be something we do together and I might just . . . fall short.
but isn't that how he's lived his life anyway? ]
I got out of Eden because I hated hurting people. I couldn't take it. But I — I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so lost. Just living on the street. Hiding. Too afraid to do anything.
And . . . it was Alex. Who helped me. He got me into bars, who showed me the world. Let me experience so much. And . . . he gave me the dream of our beach. Somewhere we could be safe and happy.
I could see it. I could imagine it. Because we built it together.
[ another brief pause. ]
I'm ready to build something new with Jean. I'm ready to do that, but I'm afraid that when the time comes — nothing will come to me. It has to be something we do together and I might just . . . fall short.
[ Living off the street, just like how Levi had found him here, dragged him home to wash up and bullied him into taking one of the empty homes so that he didn't have to live in the gutter. Dolph had been skittish and reactive like an abused stray cat on the street.
He gives himself credit for not visibly reacting to mention of Alex, content to silently indulge in the fantasy of twisting the man's head off with his bare hands, should they ever meet.
As Dolph reveals his fear, Levi just watches him evenly, then sets his own cup down with a soft tap. ]
You won't fall short. You want it bad enough.
And it wasn't you that fucked up the first time.
He gives himself credit for not visibly reacting to mention of Alex, content to silently indulge in the fantasy of twisting the man's head off with his bare hands, should they ever meet.
As Dolph reveals his fear, Levi just watches him evenly, then sets his own cup down with a soft tap. ]
You won't fall short. You want it bad enough.
And it wasn't you that fucked up the first time.
[ no, it wasn't. alex wasn't the person dolph thought he was. alex gave him so much. taught him love and life and futures. he soaked it up like a sponge. made those things his own. so he chose love. and here, he chose his own life. his own future.
finally he nods. before, he would have asked levi do you think I could? so he could internalize it. make it true. but he's no longer that person who needs that. levi is not his crutch. ]
Right. I'll . . . work on it.
finally he nods. before, he would have asked levi do you think I could? so he could internalize it. make it true. but he's no longer that person who needs that. levi is not his crutch. ]
Right. I'll . . . work on it.
It does feel important to take the time to say things that one didn't have the chance to, before. Jean has been feeling it more and more urgently since Eren's return - not because of anything Eren's done, though.
No, it was just a stark reminder that anyone could leave, with words unspoken. It had already happened to Jean twice, at this point, and there were things he wishes he could have told Eren before he left and came back.
Jean can only make the difference going forward.
Thankfully, Jean moves his gaze down to the tea in his hands as Levi speaks, the look too strong to hold himself, as well. I wanted you brats to have the chance to relax, too.
He lets the words linger. Levi has never had too much difficulty with silence, in Jean's estimation, so he lets it sit for a long moment before he gathers himself again, looking at Levi.
"I know. Which is why I wanted to tell you something else. I'm going to ask Dolph to marry me."
No, it was just a stark reminder that anyone could leave, with words unspoken. It had already happened to Jean twice, at this point, and there were things he wishes he could have told Eren before he left and came back.
Jean can only make the difference going forward.
Thankfully, Jean moves his gaze down to the tea in his hands as Levi speaks, the look too strong to hold himself, as well. I wanted you brats to have the chance to relax, too.
He lets the words linger. Levi has never had too much difficulty with silence, in Jean's estimation, so he lets it sit for a long moment before he gathers himself again, looking at Levi.
"I know. Which is why I wanted to tell you something else. I'm going to ask Dolph to marry me."
[ Not a crutch, no - but a hand to help steady him, when needed.
Levi reaches over and taps the deep blue stone with the tip of his finger. ]
It's not all on you. That's the point. If he fucks up, you tell him he fucked up, and he'll do the same to you.
But out of everyone here you could have picked, Jean's the best choice.
Levi reaches over and taps the deep blue stone with the tip of his finger. ]
It's not all on you. That's the point. If he fucks up, you tell him he fucked up, and he'll do the same to you.
But out of everyone here you could have picked, Jean's the best choice.
As ever, Levi is perfectly content with the companionable silence. Perhaps he hadn't even really expected much in the way of a response, content to just say it so Jean could be clear on his wish; it's so rare that he has the courage to say such a thing as it is.
Maybe something about this place is making him softer at the edges, more easily revealing the tenderness beneath.
So he sips at his tea, has another bite or two of the tart, and had actually just finished swallowing when Jean drops the (apparent) real reason for his visit.
Marriage?
Of course, Levi is more or less aware of the triumvirate that had formed with Eren and Mikasa, all having effectively declared themselves wed to one another. Mikasa is gone, and has been for a while now, and he can't help silently wondering if Eren's shift hasn't somehow prompted this - not that he doubts Jean's feelings in either direction. It's not really any of his damn business, truth be told.
But he's still plainly surprised, boggling a little at Jean as the thoughts process.
"Huh...that so."
In truth, it isn't difficult and doesn't take long for him to sort out his feelings. A smile of sorts flashes through his eyes before he turns a more serious, assessing look on Jean. Any other person might be more obviously playful in their ribbing:
"And you think he'll say yes?"
(Of course he will, and Levi knows it, knowing what he does about both of them.)
Maybe something about this place is making him softer at the edges, more easily revealing the tenderness beneath.
So he sips at his tea, has another bite or two of the tart, and had actually just finished swallowing when Jean drops the (apparent) real reason for his visit.
Marriage?
Of course, Levi is more or less aware of the triumvirate that had formed with Eren and Mikasa, all having effectively declared themselves wed to one another. Mikasa is gone, and has been for a while now, and he can't help silently wondering if Eren's shift hasn't somehow prompted this - not that he doubts Jean's feelings in either direction. It's not really any of his damn business, truth be told.
But he's still plainly surprised, boggling a little at Jean as the thoughts process.
"Huh...that so."
In truth, it isn't difficult and doesn't take long for him to sort out his feelings. A smile of sorts flashes through his eyes before he turns a more serious, assessing look on Jean. Any other person might be more obviously playful in their ribbing:
"And you think he'll say yes?"
(Of course he will, and Levi knows it, knowing what he does about both of them.)
Jean would go through with it regardless of Levi's approval or lack thereof; but he knows that Dolph is close to both Erwin and Levi both. Just like earning Erwin's approval about it had felt, he feels relief and joy to see the smile that crosses Levi's face.
His ribbing, while understood, has a merit of truth to it. After what Alex put Dolph through, it took a lot of work for him to feel ready for this.
"I know he will," Jean answers confidently - and then offers an abashed smile. "Because I asked if he'd be interested, before I actually went looking for a ring. I didn't want to spring it on him totally out of the blue."
He takes a sip of his tea before he continues.
"I know some of his history with Alex. I didn't want to do anything he wasn't on board with. I want to make our dreams together."
His ribbing, while understood, has a merit of truth to it. After what Alex put Dolph through, it took a lot of work for him to feel ready for this.
"I know he will," Jean answers confidently - and then offers an abashed smile. "Because I asked if he'd be interested, before I actually went looking for a ring. I didn't want to spring it on him totally out of the blue."
He takes a sip of his tea before he continues.
"I know some of his history with Alex. I didn't want to do anything he wasn't on board with. I want to make our dreams together."
[ maybe levi is right. despite his first impulse to dismiss it, dolph knows how forlorn jean feels. the loss of his friend in the fight, the way he feels he'll never come first place in someone's heart. all of these aspects kept him apart from others. made him unsure if someone could love him the way he wanted to be.
dolph had cleaved through because all he wanted to do was loving jean. ]
Yeah. You may be right. It's a long time coming but.
I'm here now.
dolph had cleaved through because all he wanted to do was loving jean. ]
Yeah. You may be right. It's a long time coming but.
I'm here now.
It's unlikely that Levi would ever voice it directly, so luckily Dolph understands exactly what he means.
"I'm glad." Warm, sincere.
He leans back again then with his cup, relaxed once more. "So you both'd better be good to each other, or I'll be kicking both your asses."
"I'm glad." Warm, sincere.
He leans back again then with his cup, relaxed once more. "So you both'd better be good to each other, or I'll be kicking both your asses."
It's the sort of thoughtfulness he's come to see in Jean, the beginnings of it visible from the time when he'd first pulled him into his new squad. As much as the future that awaits him seems so fucking dim, knowing that he'll see Jean grow into this person already here with him, and whatever might be beyond, is one of the few, precious things he knows he can hold onto.
A sour look briefly passes over his face at the mention of that asshole's name. Levi takes a longer sip of his tea until thoughts of murdering the man subside.
When he sets the cup down again, that quiet approval returns.
"Good," he says, a fondness tinging his voice.
After a beat, and a little more softly: "...you both deserve it."
A sour look briefly passes over his face at the mention of that asshole's name. Levi takes a longer sip of his tea until thoughts of murdering the man subside.
When he sets the cup down again, that quiet approval returns.
"Good," he says, a fondness tinging his voice.
After a beat, and a little more softly: "...you both deserve it."
Jean drinks more of the tea after Levi does. He suspects how Levi feels about Dolph is the same as himself; regardless, it's not a subject worth going into right now.
The less said about him, the better.
Levi's words have pink dusting his cheek, embarrassed by such honest words but happy to hear them yet again.
"We never know how much time we'll have with the people we care about," he answers honestly. He thinks of Hange, a bird in flight aflame in their last moments; he thinks of Sasha, who should have come home safe and sound after the raid in Liberio. He thinks of Erwin, and Squad Levi, and an empty senior break room with only the man across from him in it.
"It's why it's worth enjoying what we have."
He takes another sip to punctuate it. But, his next question might surprise Levi.
"I know traditionally the family members walk down with the people getting married. Since Dolph doesn't have any, and I don't have any here, I was wondering if you and Erwin would be willing to."
The less said about him, the better.
Levi's words have pink dusting his cheek, embarrassed by such honest words but happy to hear them yet again.
"We never know how much time we'll have with the people we care about," he answers honestly. He thinks of Hange, a bird in flight aflame in their last moments; he thinks of Sasha, who should have come home safe and sound after the raid in Liberio. He thinks of Erwin, and Squad Levi, and an empty senior break room with only the man across from him in it.
"It's why it's worth enjoying what we have."
He takes another sip to punctuate it. But, his next question might surprise Levi.
"I know traditionally the family members walk down with the people getting married. Since Dolph doesn't have any, and I don't have any here, I was wondering if you and Erwin would be willing to."
Maybe someone might think this place has made him soft. Maybe it has, but for all his reticence on his own real feelings, Levi well recognizes moments when honesty and appreciation shouldn't be held back. Of course they deserve this.
That comment doesn't pass by unnoticed. There's a little twist in his gut, a flash of sadness in his face. All of the people he misses, the ones he's endlessly grateful to have with him now, always quietly wondering if there will be a day when he wakes and they'll be gone from this place.
Better to hold onto them while they can.
His only response is a soft noise of agreement.
That question does take him by surprise, and it's plain on his face a moment before settling into a slight frown, a little bit of heat coloring the tops of his ears.
"Doing the whole song and dance, huh? Well...if you're sure we're the ones you want...yeah. I think we could do that." Then, more fondly: "We'd be happy to."
He doesn't have to ask Erwin.
That comment doesn't pass by unnoticed. There's a little twist in his gut, a flash of sadness in his face. All of the people he misses, the ones he's endlessly grateful to have with him now, always quietly wondering if there will be a day when he wakes and they'll be gone from this place.
Better to hold onto them while they can.
His only response is a soft noise of agreement.
That question does take him by surprise, and it's plain on his face a moment before settling into a slight frown, a little bit of heat coloring the tops of his ears.
"Doing the whole song and dance, huh? Well...if you're sure we're the ones you want...yeah. I think we could do that." Then, more fondly: "We'd be happy to."
He doesn't have to ask Erwin.
Despite his various hangups about sex, there's an undeniable intimacy in this sort of moment. Maybe it's obvious to other people, but in his limited experience, it's so much more than just climax; it's the way Finnick reaches for him, brings him close in that moment of tension right before release, and it's the way that he holds and kisses and praises him immediately after. Levi finds himself leaning into it like a flower turning toward the sun, basking in its warmth.
Finnick was the one who came, but Levi still feels so light.
His hand had gentled, finally stopping when it seemed like he was spent. Levi lingers on his lips a moment and kisses him again softly, almost chaste in response. Perhaps a hint of a smile lingers on the edges, but there's only a hint of it in his eyes when he finally pulls back and reaches for a nearby towel to start cleaning them both.
"'ll take your word for it," he mumbles. It'd maybe been a bit more fiddly than necessary, but it got the job done...although he knows Finnick doesn't only mean jerking him off.
When he finally leans back enough to look up at him, Levi feels a little tug in his chest...because when he has a mind to notice certain things, he certainly does - and damn if Finnick isn't beautiful.
He briefly licks his lips, subconsciously. "...not bad yourself."
Finnick was the one who came, but Levi still feels so light.
His hand had gentled, finally stopping when it seemed like he was spent. Levi lingers on his lips a moment and kisses him again softly, almost chaste in response. Perhaps a hint of a smile lingers on the edges, but there's only a hint of it in his eyes when he finally pulls back and reaches for a nearby towel to start cleaning them both.
"'ll take your word for it," he mumbles. It'd maybe been a bit more fiddly than necessary, but it got the job done...although he knows Finnick doesn't only mean jerking him off.
When he finally leans back enough to look up at him, Levi feels a little tug in his chest...because when he has a mind to notice certain things, he certainly does - and damn if Finnick isn't beautiful.
He briefly licks his lips, subconsciously. "...not bad yourself."
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