[ because no matter what he feels, the trust is still there. and he wasn't hurt, just . . . trying to find his way.
dolph lets him in. the house is looking a bit better, with basic furniture, electricity. there isn't much in terms of personal touches, but it looks lived in. there's a chair that clearly broke recently and shoddily put together. livio had broken it and dolph has said, we'll fix it. it's fine.
[ Levi can't help but look at the general state of the place, tracking corners and shelves for dust. He manages to refrain from running his fingers over anything that might look especially dusty, but it's impossible to note the state of the one chair. There's an obvious question in his eyes as he glances from it to Dolph, but doesn't comment on it. Yet.
He sits on the edge of the offered (unbroken) chair, setting the bag down on a table. ]
Brought you tea and something to eat, if you want it.
[ If he doesn't that's fine too. Levi watches Dolph steadily. ]
[ just long enough to be noticeable. he should probably check on meryl too. though he's not sure what he would say. did meryl know what livio wanted? was she aware that this would happen?
because dolph knew. he knew. he lets that thought sink like a stone in his gut before moving on. ]
I'll need to figure out what to do with his stuff.
[ the little kiln dolph got him last month for valentine's day. so that livio could practice making instead of feeling like a killer. ]
[ It's a worry they all have to live with, but Levi is especially sorry that Dolph has to experience this pain so soon. ]
Take what you want. I'll get the others to help move out the rest.
[ Having to handle that sort of thing on top of missing someone...there's no reason for Dolph to have to do it all himself. Unimportant things can be redistributed back into the community. ]
I keep thinking about . . . how we're both dead. No, that we were both unsure about it. Being dead. And he still had things he wanted to do.
[ was he happy? being with dolph? he likes to think so. but he thought that about alex too. ultimately, there will be larger commitments. whatever happiness dolph provides is paltry to that. ]
I just hope it isn't what he thought. That it's . . . better.
[ ...Levi gets up and herds Dolph into the chair he'd just been in, making him sit. He doesn't offer any mumbling platitudes, but listens quietly, pulling a canister out of the bag. ]
... [ Levi reaches over and lays a hand on Dolph's real one, gives it a brief, gentle squeeze. ]
Maybe it is.
[ He won't offer any kind of certainty; there's no way to know, and neither of them could ever accept that sort of thing without proof. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong in hoping for it. ]
When Tayrey left the first time, she'd said her wish had been fulfilled.
[ it'd be nice to have both, but livio's wish had been for others. not for himself. if dolph looks inward . . . maybe his isn't either. what would happen if his wish was granted?
[ He's quiet again for a few moments, letting that settle. There are too many unknowns, whether someone went back to being dead, if they got their wish, if they were somehow pulled to a different place entirely. In some ways, dead was easier than disappearing, knowing for someone's fate for certain, learning to make peace with it.
As Dolph's hands tremble, Levi just holds them with both of his own for a few moments. They're petite by comparison, with little white scars on some of the knuckles and fingertips, the back of the palm. He holds unflinchingly until the shaking seems to subside, then loosens his grip carefully. ]
[ but the rest doesn't need to be voiced. dolph exhales softly. it's painful but not the most painful. he'll miss him. livio was the most like him, with his implants and the way he was used by others. who didn't want to be fixed but just find a way through the cracks. who loved someone that broke his heart.
[ It's good, that smile, even if it is small. Levi feels something ease, the more immediate weight of loss all the easier to carry. He gives one final squeeze of his hands before shifting back, letting them fall away. ]
Never had the chance to meet him. What was he like?
He was shy sometimes. Everyone who met him liked him.
[ livio was kind. patient. thought poorly of himself, like dolph did. his gaze slides over to the broken chair. they had broken it and livio had been upset, but dolph hadn't cared.
he was on the cusp of it, perhaps. of loving livio. of even admitting it. maybe it's better if he didn't. maybe it's worse that he didn't. ]
[ Granted, Erwin seemed to like a lot of people who could be considered questionable; Kimbley (who Levi weirdly missed, even if they hadn't really gotten along), Crowley; Levi himself. The man had a knack for finding the strange ones. But there were plenty of good people in there, too.
Still, it means something that Dolph says it.
Levi hums softly, and there's maybe the faintest, briefest curl at one corner of his lips. ]
We were . . . using the chair. And it broke. He's a lot bigger than me.
[ which was nice, but livio being big didn't mean much to dolph who was just as strong as he was. and he knew livio liked it when dolph treated him gently. ]
[ Luckily he doesn't care for any further details but-- ]
...he's a lot bigger than you?
[ How did he miss a guy who was half a Titan walking around?? Dolph is already noticeably taller than Erwin, who has a whole twelve inches / 28 centimeters on Levi as it is. ]
[ Levi isn't sure he'd count 'a couple inches' as 'a lot bigger', but certainly a lot bigger than him, and he imagines his neck starting to hurt just thinking about trying to maintain eye contact with someone a full foot and a half taller. ]
Huh. Guess they make them big in the places you both are from.
[ Levi is well aware that he is short by most human standards (it's the childhood malnutrition), but even Erwin is considered fairly tall in their world. ]
Well you're all halfway to a Titan to me anyway.
[ Which is his way of saying he doesn't much care one way or the other. ]
[ being tall, short. he had other reasons for not fitting in. the same goes for livio. it's coming to places like these that such thoughts strike them. he glances back at the chair. ]
And it's not important. I just wish he hadn't felt so bad about it. The thing about being modified is just . . . the way you see yourself becomes distorted.
[ Modified...being born with a power that awakens in a moment of intense stress isn't quite the same as having your body altered by someone else. Different from most people, even if on him it was harder to see. They hadn't asked for it, but no one had physically changed him, unlike Dolph. And Livio, apparently. ]
That happened to him too, huh. Sounds like you had a lot to talk about.
[ Especially for someone who seems to feel so outside everyone else...it must be hard, losing that.
Levi isn't prone to something that could be called hopeful thoughts, but he can't seem to not try offering some - it's not often that people return...but it's not unheard of, either. ]
[ dolph cradles his mug. coming back . . . would that be a good thing? is he allowed to nurture that selfish wish?
he wonders now, if he met vaeros, would the shape of his wish be different? you know there are no happy endings for us. he pushes it aside. alex was wrong. he was wrong.
so dolph nods slowly, letting the warmth seep through the metal in his arm. ]
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[ because no matter what he feels, the trust is still there. and he wasn't hurt, just . . . trying to find his way.
dolph lets him in. the house is looking a bit better, with basic furniture, electricity. there isn't much in terms of personal touches, but it looks lived in. there's a chair that clearly broke recently and shoddily put together. livio had broken it and dolph has said, we'll fix it. it's fine.
he gestures to a non-broken chair. ]
You can take a seat.
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He sits on the edge of the offered (unbroken) chair, setting the bag down on a table. ]
Brought you tea and something to eat, if you want it.
[ If he doesn't that's fine too. Levi watches Dolph steadily. ]
How long has he been gone?
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[ just long enough to be noticeable. he should probably check on meryl too. though he's not sure what he would say. did meryl know what livio wanted? was she aware that this would happen?
because dolph knew. he knew. he lets that thought sink like a stone in his gut before moving on. ]
I'll need to figure out what to do with his stuff.
[ the little kiln dolph got him last month for valentine's day. so that livio could practice making instead of feeling like a killer. ]
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...I'm sorry.
[ It's a worry they all have to live with, but Levi is especially sorry that Dolph has to experience this pain so soon. ]
Take what you want. I'll get the others to help move out the rest.
[ Having to handle that sort of thing on top of missing someone...there's no reason for Dolph to have to do it all himself. Unimportant things can be redistributed back into the community. ]
Have you slept much?
cw: death
I keep thinking about . . . how we're both dead. No, that we were both unsure about it. Being dead. And he still had things he wanted to do.
[ was he happy? being with dolph? he likes to think so. but he thought that about alex too. ultimately, there will be larger commitments. whatever happiness dolph provides is paltry to that. ]
I just hope it isn't what he thought. That it's . . . better.
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That what's better?
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His life. His . . . future. I hate to think it just . . . ended. He didn't deserve that.
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Maybe it is.
[ He won't offer any kind of certainty; there's no way to know, and neither of them could ever accept that sort of thing without proof. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong in hoping for it. ]
When Tayrey left the first time, she'd said her wish had been fulfilled.
Maybe his was, too.
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[ it'd be nice to have both, but livio's wish had been for others. not for himself. if dolph looks inward . . . maybe his isn't either. what would happen if his wish was granted?
his hands tremble for a moment. ]
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[ He's quiet again for a few moments, letting that settle. There are too many unknowns, whether someone went back to being dead, if they got their wish, if they were somehow pulled to a different place entirely. In some ways, dead was easier than disappearing, knowing for someone's fate for certain, learning to make peace with it.
As Dolph's hands tremble, Levi just holds them with both of his own for a few moments. They're petite by comparison, with little white scars on some of the knuckles and fingertips, the back of the palm. He holds unflinchingly until the shaking seems to subside, then loosens his grip carefully. ]
He might come back sometime.
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[ but the rest doesn't need to be voiced. dolph exhales softly. it's painful but not the most painful. he'll miss him. livio was the most like him, with his implants and the way he was used by others. who didn't want to be fixed but just find a way through the cracks. who loved someone that broke his heart.
he manages a faint smile. ]
Three months wasn't so bad.
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Never had the chance to meet him. What was he like?
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[ livio was kind. patient. thought poorly of himself, like dolph did. his gaze slides over to the broken chair. they had broken it and livio had been upset, but dolph hadn't cared.
he was on the cusp of it, perhaps. of loving livio. of even admitting it. maybe it's better if he didn't. maybe it's worse that he didn't. ]
I know Erwin did.
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Still, it means something that Dolph says it.
Levi hums softly, and there's maybe the faintest, briefest curl at one corner of his lips. ]
Sorry I missed him.
[ He'd followed Dolph's gaze to the chair. ]
...what happened with that?
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We were . . . using the chair. And it broke. He's a lot bigger than me.
[ which was nice, but livio being big didn't mean much to dolph who was just as strong as he was. and he knew livio liked it when dolph treated him gently. ]
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...he's a lot bigger than you?
[ How did he miss a guy who was half a Titan walking around?? Dolph is already noticeably taller than Erwin, who has a whole twelve inches / 28 centimeters on Levi as it is. ]
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A couple of inches taller.
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Huh. Guess they make them big in the places you both are from.
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[ hybrids, alex . . . dolph isn't short, certainly, but he doesn't regard himself as rather tall. ]
He was built bigger too, which he felt conscious about.
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Well you're all halfway to a Titan to me anyway.
[ Which is his way of saying he doesn't much care one way or the other. ]
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Guess we are.
I never thought about it before.
[ being tall, short. he had other reasons for not fitting in. the same goes for livio. it's coming to places like these that such thoughts strike them. he glances back at the chair. ]
And it's not important. I just wish he hadn't felt so bad about it. The thing about being modified is just . . . the way you see yourself becomes distorted.
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[ Modified...being born with a power that awakens in a moment of intense stress isn't quite the same as having your body altered by someone else. Different from most people, even if on him it was harder to see. They hadn't asked for it, but no one had physically changed him, unlike Dolph. And Livio, apparently. ]
That happened to him too, huh. Sounds like you had a lot to talk about.
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[ livio didn't say much, rightfully so. dolph thought after some time, that would change. he thought there would be more time.
he breathes it out. ]
It was nice. Sharing that with him.
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[ Especially for someone who seems to feel so outside everyone else...it must be hard, losing that.
Levi isn't prone to something that could be called hopeful thoughts, but he can't seem to not try offering some - it's not often that people return...but it's not unheard of, either. ]
Maybe he'll come back, someday.
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he wonders now, if he met vaeros, would the shape of his wish be different? you know there are no happy endings for us. he pushes it aside. alex was wrong. he was wrong.
so dolph nods slowly, letting the warmth seep through the metal in his arm. ]
Maybe he will. On his own terms.
[ maybe livio will find a reason to live. ]
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